1/14/2009

This is a picture of me and a cookie! It is my cookie of love=)! hehe

Hey Hey everyone! (even though no one even reads this...) Today was stressful, so stressful. It started the night before when my brother was caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing. i love my brother so much, but I hate (yes, I said the "H" word) when I see the devil win in him. It torches me on the inside! I am going to turn into ash if he dosn't stop all of these horrible things that he is doing! I Just want to throw my arms up and scream sometimes. I know that I am sounding violent. What is hardest about my brother is that he says that he is a philosipher, he dosn't say that he is a Christian. I love my brother so much, God couldn't have given me a better older brother, but I hate (that "H" word again!) what he does sometimes!

So today I didn't go to school. My mom said that I wouldn't wake up, but I think that just didnt want to take me along with me not wanting to get up. Her and my dad have been having a hard time lately! i know that God uses our struggles to make us who we are, but I am having such a hard time seing the light in my life. Thankfully God showed me Tenth Avenue North. They are the most amazing band. I would have cried listening to them in teh car today, but my mom was there, and I didn't want to upset her. Their words go straight to me. like God is screaming to me through them. But I also thought that God was a gentle wind? I am just stupid I guess=).

Something that I am finding myself doing lately is, well, I have this little crush. I KNOW! I am horrible! I have never even spoken to the guy, I just go to a small school and know a little about him. WOW, this is getting awkward................... ...... ................. ..................... ok, so I find myself flinging myself at him. Yep, I'm a retard. I mean, If he was to say that he dosn't like red heads, I would break down and cry! I also have another crush, but I wont even bother to say anything about this one. so I know this is wrong, but I keep letting myself give little chunks of me away to someone who I dont even know. So I am deciding that if I am going to throw myself at anything, I should throw myself at God. Sorry for the long blog=)!